Abusers are Choosers

We all make deliberate choices in our lives. For example WE choose who our friends are and how we treat the people we interact with daily.  This is no different for abusers; they too make a deliberate choice to abuse. 

It’s pretty easy to blame abuse on being drunk, high, having a bad day, the loss of a job, or being out of control. The list of excuses for why someone abuses can go on and on and vary from person to person. In fact no reason and no excuse anyone comes up with to abuse justifies the point the WE ALL CHOOSE OUR ACTIONS.

An abuser CHOOSES to say and do demeaning things. They choose to hit, punch, choke, threaten, stalk, play mind games, or get the household up at 2am to yell and threaten them for hours because a can rolled out of the garbage. The bottom line behind what is being done is THEY, the abuser, chooses to make a deliberate choice to harm in whatever way they decide: sexual, financial, spiritual, emotional, verbal, and / or physical.

Not only does and abuser choose their actions they also choose who they abuse. The abuser doesn’t abuse EVERYONE in their live. For example they don’t go to work and humiliate their boss every day. They are making a deliberate choice of who they will abuse. They are very much in control of their actions. No one makes them do anything. At the end of the day we are all accountable and responsible for our own actions and choices and so are abusers.

Donna Lee Urlacher

Outreach Worker

Cantara Safe House

(403) 793-2232 for help 24 hours a day

How to help someone you think is being abused:

Approach the situation cautiously. Remember the victim is an expert on her own life and safety.

Listen without judging her or giving advice. Let her tell you what she needs. Well-meaning advice (e.g.) she should leave him / go back to him / try harder) may be dangerous for her or her children.

Here are a few examples of how to take action:

Offer resources – e.g. pass on the number for Cantara Safe House’s crisis line (403) 793-2232 open 24-hours a day, 7 days per week or 911 if there is an emergency.

Offer emotional support – e.g. share a meal or offer to go with her to appointments.

Offer practical support – e.g. let her leave her important papers, or a suitcase of clothes at your home or offer to baby-sit.

Above all do not confront the abuser on her behalf because this could have terrible consequences for her but do let her know that you believe her and that there are others who do as well.

Hello world!

Cantara Safe House / Brooks and District Women’s Shelter has officially joined the 21st century with a blog of our own and a Face book page 🙂 Watch for our new and improved web site to be unveiled soon…